truth

identity

As a seventeen year old girl, being asked to define your identity is a monumental and immense task. I could stand here and try to explain who I am and what I like and don’t like and my life story. I could tell you that I’m an art geek, a music lover, an internet addict, a friend. I could tell you that I’m just a girl from California whose favorite movie is The Life Aquatic and who doesn’t like potatoes. But that wouldn’t really get me anywhere. To try to describe myself and delineate my identity is impossible, because my identity has not been established, and may never be. It is, in itself, a lack of one. It is both everything and nothing, contradicting and abundant in branches. It is undefined and multifaceted in every way. There is no set “me”, no personality or character that will remain constant until the day I die. I am forever a blank canvas…a clean slate that I can change, add to and recreate at MY own will. My palette, so to speak, is open to new colors, new mixes and new ways to create myself. And that’s the way I like it.

I don’t want to be confined by a definition or stereotype. I want to keep the ability to change my mind and rethink my beliefs. I am a young adult in a world of constant change and evolution of ideas and technology, so why not keep my mind and eyes wide open to the changes happening around me? Every day that I am alive on this planet, there is a chance for new experiences and new ideals to be discovered. I appreciate and immerse myself in the intricate culture of humanity by keeping my identity, myself, as a blank canvas.

The medium I apply to this blank canvas is the world around me. The places I see, the people I meet and everything in between. It all contributes to my identity in some way. Whether on a large scale or in the tiniest amount, the effect of the world on me is profound. I take the things I see and hear, and reshape and imitate and create the thing that becomes who I am. But each day, this “me” could be different. It doesn’t have to stay the same once it is established. And that’s the empowering part of being human, living in the times we are. You don’t simply one day discover a “you”, and then continue on in that same personage. For some people, that may be desirable. But for me, I want something more.

I want to be able to remain in a limbo state, where I am observing the world around me, taking bits from here and there and combining them onto my canvas. I borrow from the environment around me. I merge ideas, beliefs, interests and lifestyles. They fluctuate, shift and reshuffle themselves perpetually, keeping my life exciting and keeping my identity both multifaceted and open for additions and change. It is unpredictable what I may find inspiration in today versus in ten years, or even this minute versus the next. But part of what makes me who I am is this melting pot of traits. My canvas will never complete, and never should be. I will forever add and change and critique myself. And I will never, nor should I ever, be afraid to start anew with a fresh canvas.

Life is what you make of it. And so are you.

WANNABE

I think that if I ever joined LookBook, then all of my poses for my shots would have to look like this because for some reason I only ever look stylish this way.

C'est la vie.

tina, eat the food

I've realized recently that I dislike foods that are commonly liked and I like foods that are commonly disliked. Not necessarily in everything I eat, but there are a few striking examples. So I made a little list, kind of. It's incomplete, but here's a "taste" (hahaha PUN)

Foods I don't like that make people look at me funny:

-potatoes. I don't know why, but they just really do nothing for me. Especially baked potatoes. It seems to me that people eat them with mounds of butter and cheese and whatever else, which totally overbears the actual potato, so why even bother with the potato in the first place? They're just so bland and icky. But I must admit that on Thanksgiving, I make myself eat a little mashed goodness, because it's tradition. Oh, and this excludes french fries and the occasional tater tot, of course

- guacamole / avacado. I try really really hard to like it. Really, I do. But it just tastes so-blehg-to me! I see people at those chips-and-dips type parties totally coveting the guacamole bowl and loading their chips with it with expressions of delight, but I can't do it. My tongue just refuses to like it.

Foods I love that make people look at me funny:

-pickles! I love love love pickles, which grosses people out a lot...haha. But really, I think pickles on sandwiches or pickles plain from the jar are a lower form of heaven. Seriously, if I'm snacking and there is nothing else in the house - out comes the pickle jar.

-mushrooms! stuffed, sauteed, chopped - you name it, I looove it. And on pizza with cheese = perfection!

-kiwis whole! so this one doesn't reallyyy count because plenty of people eat kiwi, but not that many people eat kiwis WHOLE. As in, the skin and everything. But I do ;)




I am....odd. Let's just face it.

music

This weekend was a good one. I was busy busy busy for most of it, but in a good way. I was either gone having fun or at home sleeping or on the internet for a short period of time before leaving again. My weekend last week was similar-and I love it!
The times when I find that I have no time at all are often my favorite types of times, if that makes any sense.

What made this particular weekend so unique was that I finally am stacking up my indie concert credentials (ha-ha). It was my first bonafied "indie" concert, you could say.
The concert in question was Margot & The Nuclear So and Sos at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco. I went for the opener, Telekinesis. And it was so amazingly great. It was such a different experience than going to The Warfield to see something like Metro Station (there were no drunken girls flinging themselves at the stage to try to touch any part of the lead singer's body they could get a hold of, for instance.)

I didn't really know any songs from Margot & The Nuclear So and So's album except the Children on Acid song (that's not the exact title, but you get the point) but now I really want to listen to it over and over. They were really really really great live.

I just freaking love concerts, I've decided. Especially this new breed of live music I've been introduced to. It's made me think about all the bands I would die to see. My music taste has seriously evolved over the last few months, and seeing these bands would top off my life:

1) Sigur Ros
2) Death Cab For Cutie (seeing them in July in Berkeley!)
3) Matt & Kim (seeing them possibly in August?)
4) Tokyo Police Club
5) Andrew Bird
6) Imogen Heap
7) Jimmy Eat World
8) Coldplay
9) Silversun Pickups
10) Shiny Toy Guns (pre-new singer...if only :/)

There are probably loads more, too. I just wish I could see them allllll.

creation + stealing = success

( click for better quality / reading ability )

I can't help but agree with that ^. In this day and age, the idea of "originality" is indeed a thing of the past. When everything has been done, the only option is to reinvent.

satellite mind

I woke up today with a fresh perspective, even though nothing's changed dramatically.
But yesterday was one of the best days I've ever had,
and I didn't even realize it until this morning.
Definitely beats any other Cinco De Mayo I've ever experienced.
All I can do is smile.

chimerical me

Once again, I find myself exploring WeHeartIt.com, and marveling at the sheer amount of photography that's out there.
And I realize, yet again, how much I love just sitting, looking at all of it.
I can search through pages upon pages for hours and be perfectly entertained in my own little world. I feed off of things like that.
To me, visuals provoke my imagination and mind more than any other form of creation...
I can just be examining a few good shots, or any form of an artwork,
and suddenly I want to go drive somewhere and learn to capture life in the same way,
or go to my room and attempt to create something that could be as good as what I saw.

My sight is probably my most treasured sense, to be honest.
I feel inspired. In every fiber. Just seeing, and watching...
and it's wonderful.

---


recent favorites:

ES AYE TEE

I have SATs tomorrow.
I have to arrive by 7:45 am.
I have to write an essay.
And do all the grueling bubbling in.
Did I mention I have to be there by 7:45 am?

Words cannot fully describe my feelings about this better than this simple symbol:
:(