identity

As a seventeen year old girl, being asked to define your identity is a monumental and immense task. I could stand here and try to explain who I am and what I like and don’t like and my life story. I could tell you that I’m an art geek, a music lover, an internet addict, a friend. I could tell you that I’m just a girl from California whose favorite movie is The Life Aquatic and who doesn’t like potatoes. But that wouldn’t really get me anywhere. To try to describe myself and delineate my identity is impossible, because my identity has not been established, and may never be. It is, in itself, a lack of one. It is both everything and nothing, contradicting and abundant in branches. It is undefined and multifaceted in every way. There is no set “me”, no personality or character that will remain constant until the day I die. I am forever a blank canvas…a clean slate that I can change, add to and recreate at MY own will. My palette, so to speak, is open to new colors, new mixes and new ways to create myself. And that’s the way I like it.

I don’t want to be confined by a definition or stereotype. I want to keep the ability to change my mind and rethink my beliefs. I am a young adult in a world of constant change and evolution of ideas and technology, so why not keep my mind and eyes wide open to the changes happening around me? Every day that I am alive on this planet, there is a chance for new experiences and new ideals to be discovered. I appreciate and immerse myself in the intricate culture of humanity by keeping my identity, myself, as a blank canvas.

The medium I apply to this blank canvas is the world around me. The places I see, the people I meet and everything in between. It all contributes to my identity in some way. Whether on a large scale or in the tiniest amount, the effect of the world on me is profound. I take the things I see and hear, and reshape and imitate and create the thing that becomes who I am. But each day, this “me” could be different. It doesn’t have to stay the same once it is established. And that’s the empowering part of being human, living in the times we are. You don’t simply one day discover a “you”, and then continue on in that same personage. For some people, that may be desirable. But for me, I want something more.

I want to be able to remain in a limbo state, where I am observing the world around me, taking bits from here and there and combining them onto my canvas. I borrow from the environment around me. I merge ideas, beliefs, interests and lifestyles. They fluctuate, shift and reshuffle themselves perpetually, keeping my life exciting and keeping my identity both multifaceted and open for additions and change. It is unpredictable what I may find inspiration in today versus in ten years, or even this minute versus the next. But part of what makes me who I am is this melting pot of traits. My canvas will never complete, and never should be. I will forever add and change and critique myself. And I will never, nor should I ever, be afraid to start anew with a fresh canvas.

Life is what you make of it. And so are you.