Wednesday, December 16, 2009

finals for a senior

So today I got up at six in the morning (per usual) pulled on some clothes and straightened up my hair and begrudgingly got myself to school by 7:30. It's the start of finals week and today's scheduled finals were periods 0, 5 & 6. Being the privileged senior that I so gloatingly am, I'm only taking 0-4 this year, so I only had 0 period to go to today. And it was Yearbook. Meaning our "final" was to watch Finding Nemo while eating muffins and pineapple shikabobs. I'm telling you, hardest final ever. For serious.

So once the examination period ended at 9, I rushed to my car and went home, pulled back on my pajamas and crawled back into my lovely bed. Somewhere in my slumber my dog joined me and took over 3/4 of the mattress. When I awoke it was 2:30. TWO THIRTY. Totally did not intend to sleep that long at all! But let me tell you, I am REFRESHED.

So once I got myself out fo bed, dog in tow, my sister and I watched the first bit of the first Lord of the Rings while we ate lunch (cranberry, ham, cream cheese & spinach wrap = best lunch ever). We got to about Rivendell before we decided to go for a run.

3 miles later, we got home and I spent the next two hours watching my two netflix Skins DVDs on the newly fixed laptop in my bed, snunggled and sore from running.

Now, as I'm checking my daily online sites, I'm planning on making myself some pancakes and finally getting around to studying for my AP Gov final tomorrow.

This is the most randomly structured day I've ever had.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Hello green walls!
I painted my room's walls a lovely olive green (a bit less bright than it appears in the picture) and moved myself back in over the last couple weeks. I am finally getting to the "pin everything back up and make new wall-collages" stage. As you can see my ancient HP poster is back at home among my postcards and NYLON cutouts.
Wall collages are an inevitable and vital part of my room, you know?

Anyway. This weekend I went to San Francisco again. It was a friend's birthday party for the weekend and I got to frolic around the downtown area and the mall a bit. I was very tempted to spend money I got babysitting a week ago (me? I know, right) at Urban or H&M but I refrained! I am trying desperately to save money for Christmas.

It was rainy and objectively gloomy on Saturday but I didn't care, I think the fog and gloom makes San Francisco all the more beautiful. I got soaked but such is the consequence of avoiding umbrellas.

And I went to South SF for the first time on Sunday! It was slightly boring and corporate (at least where we were) but at least I know what's there now!

I still have the overwhelming feeling of love for that city every time I visit. I just love walking the streets, especially the residential area around the apartment. I love the feeling of being completely anonymous.It's a sensation unique to city life. There's something special and exciting about that after living in a small town your entire life. I cannot wait to live there next year. Even though I applied to various schools in the Northern California area, I still always seem to gravitate back to SF. I'm already decided on going to school there in my mind, though acceptance letters won't be sent out until spring. Whether I'll be at the Academy of Art of SF State? Only time will tell, as they say in books & literature!

Anyway, besides my adventures in the city this weekend, I finished THIS:
she's a phoenix lady! whoo. I love Art Studio :)

Oh and finals start Wednesday. Thus I should get started you know, studying. And stuff.
Wish me luck?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

garden's eye view.

my new video. just a little garden love.

Hello December!

So far it has been warmer in December than it was in November. Ironic, yes? I don't really mind to be honest, though. I was never one for this silly ice-on-my-windshield-in-the-morning business and feet-frozen-perpetually. Winter is not my favorite season to be in. I love the look of fall/winter (which is pretty much the same where I live) but actually having to wear things like SOCKS and LAYERS is an alien concept to me. Sigh. I am a California girl through and through.

I'm going with my mom to Target today to buy gloves and maybe a scarf of two. AAAANDDD I'm painting my walls this weekend! FINALLY. I cannot properly form in words the satisfaction I will feel when the chartreuse and magenta pre-teen abomination on my walls is covered once and for all! I cannot wait for olive green to take its place! I'm going for a shade slightly akin to this:

When I was browsing for decoration inspiration and came across this photo, I nearly had an aneurysm because of how perfect the color was. And how that girl looks a bit like me. AND SHE HAS A MAC. I thought I was seeing into my future!

Anyway, to prepare for my little room makeover, this weekend I threw away tons of junk from my room. Old jewelry, old hot pink nick knacks and picture frames, miscellaneous junk from my middle school days....just anything that screamed "I bought this when I was thirteen and really into Hollister, powerpop and America's Next Top Model!" shudder. And this is a big thing for me, because I'm kind of a pack rat. I'm the type of person that instead of throwing away something, I horde it just incase it MIGHT be useful in some conceivable way in the future. So clearing out my room is a BIG thing, ladies and gentlemen.

But last night, I finished taking down everything off my walls. It was kind of sad because the last thing I took down was this photo collage I've had up since I was probably 14 years old. I still stop and stare at my blank walls every time I go into my room. It's WEIRD, YO.

Anyway, I'm so stoked to start redecorating my room. I'm going to post pictures when it's done!!

Tootloo for now :]

Monday, November 23, 2009

college aps + school + social life + procrastination = NaNoFAIL

So I pretty much gave up on NaNoWriMo 10,000 words in. I'M SO ASHAMED.
I feel so bad because I was SO motivated to do it in the beginning and I was determined reach that coveted fifty k mark, but I was just too damn busy. Seriously, that's not even an excuse for procrastination and lameness (though those two did factor in a bit, I'll admit ;P) I feel good about my 10k that were written, though! I have come to really love the story I've opened up for myself and I think I'll continue it even when NaNaWriMo is over. It'll be more a pastime type deal, but I've been wanting to get back in that random-writing hobby that I had in elementary/middle school that disintegrated with the arrival of high school. I just don't have TIME now.

But anyway, because I am very proud of my personal statement (the main culprit of my NaNoFAIL!) I'm going to share it here. I still need to finish the second prompt (yes, UC's gave us the unique torture of calling a category "personal statement" when in fact there are TWO required, so it SHOULD be called your personal statementS) Sigh. Anyway here it is:

My passion for creation and art has influenced almost every aspect of my life. It manifests itself into every piece of my life, every challenge I meet and every obstacle I face. I consider every day a new opportunity for creation and my imagination is never cast aside, but rather used to my advantage. It is both my outlet and my ally in everything that I do. Art and the inevitable creativity that goes along with it appear in all elements of my actions, thoughts and self. It is ingrained in my nature, in every drawing I compose, every picture I paint, and every essay I write. It shows up in obvious ways but also the subtle areas, working it’s way into my mind as I pick out an outfit in the morning, consider how best to arrange my bedroom, and even is used in such small tasks as deciding the most aesthetically pleasing way of applying make-up. I consider it an intrinsic and vital part of my process of thinking, the best way I’ve ever learned to accomplish tasks. Every problem that I solve requires that imperative ounce of creativity, and through all my experiences, I’ve been able to recognize that my specific way of resolving and deciphering uses creativity and imagination above all else. Any artistic perspective that can be taken is the one I choose, by nature and by choice. And having come to this resolution and discovery, I’ve decided to apply my love of artistic creativity to my future. My talent not only for the technique of art but also the creativity that accompanies it is what has led me to pursue my passion as a career. Being merely seventeen years old, I consider myself extremely lucky to have identified my passion and talent so early on. And this motivation to pursue creativity through art in school is something that I would have never fully realized without attending California State Summer School for the Arts in the summer of 2008. This month long program, where five hundred teenagers from all over the world were selected to be pushed to their creative extremes through long hours of class and studio work, was my starting line into the world of creativity that I now consider myself a part of. It reconfirmed my love and passion for art and substantiated its essential presence in my life. California State Summer School for the Arts not only showed me that I held an insatiable love for art in practice, but taught me something about myself. I learned that having a talent for art extends much farther than the tangible way of being able to draw well or observe a figure accurately. To be successful in both the field of art and a life of creativity itself, you must live and breathe imagination and passion, down to every last detail of your life. The idea of creativity is not limited to your sketch pad, drawing class or painting technique, as I came to learn through spending weeks being drowned in an environment devoted exclusively to art. I saw that my enthusiasm for creativity extended much farther than just in art alone. I learned that creativity motivates me in everything I do, weaves itself into every piece of myself and my life. Every challenge that I take on is in the name of creativity and imagination. It is my motivation to rise above the wave of normalcy and exceed in everything I am handed, in everything that I do, whether in school, work or society. Imagination and the artistic perspective is what drives me to distinguish myself as a unique individual among the ones who avoid going against the grain and show the world that my passion, imagination and creativity is a spark inside that can never be extinguished.

Monday, November 2, 2009


So I just decided I'm doing NanoWriMo.
Two days late.
During college application month.
With hardly a skeleton plan of what the heck I'm going to write about.
Meaning I have approximately 233 words done.
...only 49,767 words to go!

am I insane?

...Happy writing!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

fall fashion + more

So I had another LookBook binge. Here are my favorites:

all hallow's eve!

It's only a few days away. I really can't wait. I have my sailor costume ready (Zooey Deschanel inspired, thank you very much) my pumpkin is bought and ready to be carved, my Halloween playlist is set up on my's all in motion. Now all I need is a place to go (my plans still aren't set in stone. EEEK.) but I'm READY.

I've always adored Halloween. It's my favorite part of autumn. Being the dress-up obsessed child-at-heart I am, any excuse to wear costumes and act silly is a good excuse. I just really adore the culture of Halloween in general...the bright oranges and reds, the pumpkins, the corny "scary" decorations outside of houses, the haunted houses, the trick-or-treating, the CANDY, the movies, the scary stories, the all makes me giddy. Halloween is probably my favorite holiday. Even above Christmas (maybe).

And when you think about it, the thing that really sets Halloween apart is it's versatility.
I mean, think about it:

When you're little, you get to dress up in any costume you could dream of, and go around to extravagantly decorated houses where adult strangers in silly costumes give you CANDY and it's socially accepted and A-OKAY! What else could a seven year old ever want?
Now once you're teenaged, let's say, you dress up and eat candy and this time you can go out and have reckless fun with your friends on the ONE night it's not frowned upon to do.
And then when you're an adult, Halloween becomes the ONE night of the year where you have a legitimate excuse to dress up like a child would and eat massive amounts of candy without looking like some cosplay-obsessed diabetic.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

le cinema

So currently, I'm in the middle of watching The Fall...And I think I'm in love. I haven't finished it (I started it pretty late last night and got tired so, to prevent spoiling it's full movie-watching effect with sleepiness, took a rain-check) but what I saw, I adored. The directing so far has really impressed me...I love the dynamic between Lee Pace and Alexandria. I really like that little girl. She is adorable. And just the filming in general of the movie is so beautiful. The opening shots and credits even impressed me. And the LOCATIONS. Oh god, the locations. The orange sand desert? the butterfly island? the palace? They were stunning. This makes me so much more excited for Where The Wild Things Are, knowing Spike Jonze "presented" (whatever that means) The Fall and directed WTWTA.

I've also been browsing Netflix's Instant Watch feature, going through some movies. Tooooo much. They've sucked away all my time. I've been extremely lazy and sleep deprived lately so I've watched far too many movie for my own good.

I watched We Are Wizards (Harry Potter documentary that was very different than what I was expecting but I liked it) an indie film called Teeth (fucking ridiculous movie. I am still bewildered by it) and Paris, Je T'aime. I originally watched this film because I felt like I HAD to before seeing NY, I Love You. And I loved it! My favorite shorts were the Coen Brothers piece, the Elijah Wood and the vampire one, the one with the blind man and Natalie Portman, and the one with Sophie and the man with the guitar...they were all unique but connected. I really liked them.

And since I have been so into movies lately, it's got me thinking of the fucking AMAZING movie season I have ahead of me. I'm looking forward to:

Where The Wild Things Are
New York, I Love You
Cold Souls
The Fantasic Mr. Fox
New Moon [I can't even lie. I'm going to see it.]
The Lovely Bones
The Princess and the Frog

aaaaaand I'm sure others will pop up in the coming months that I can look forward to but for now, I'm counting down until those :) any recommendations to keep me occupied?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

true story:

It was a Friday night in the city. The fog hung low over the towering buildings, but the energy in the atmosphere was anything but gloomy. We walked, hand in hand, to the Fillmore's doors, eagerly handing our tickets to the doormen. As we entered, you grabbed an apple from the pile at the foot of the crimson staircase and thanked the old, content greeter. I rolled my eyes as you took my hand and we ascended the stairs.

In the cafe above, there was a lone guitarist crooning out some melancholy poetry over loud amps. The people sitting around sipped their drinks calmly, conversing and anticipating the the start of the concert.

We chose a seat by the window, where I could peek down at the shiny black tour bus on the street below, and gaze over the gray concrete landscape of the city.
You ordered a salad from the bar, while I sat in awe of the plethora of posters, records and photos that adorned the high ceiling-ed room. I bubbled with excitement for the concert, the fresh feeling of a new place and a new artist on my mind.

When the colossal plate of vegetables arrived, we gobbled down the tofu and tomatoes, wondering which songs our dear Jenny would open with and whether Jonathon Rice would be wearing tie-dye...again.

I smiled as we talked and ate, peering once more out the Fillmore's window, knowing in that moment that there was no where else I'd rather be.

Monday, September 28, 2009

soaked inspiration

Alice // Cocteau Twins
Cologne Cerrone Houdini // Goldfrapp
Chromakey Dreamcoat // Boards of Canada
X & Y // Coldplay
Past is Prologue // Tycho
Sang Real // Dredg
Phone Call // Jon Brion
Porcelain // Moby
Closing In // Imogen Heap

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I took this photo today. It wasn't even a serious one. It was literally the last of tens that I had been fooling around taking before. and it's my favorite. I don't know why, but I look older. Like, this is my new visual defintion of what my senior year / 18 year old year will be like.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

nine nine oh nine

I'm not buying The Beatles RockBand. I'm not downloading their songs on iTunes. I'm not staying on my school campus to listen to their songs being played over low-quality amps.

But hey,
I still love The Beatles.

Monday, September 7, 2009

I think I finally feel like a senior in high school now.
Maybe it's all the free afternoons, the chill classes, the light homework, the new clothes, the better music than last year. I feel older.

I can't wait to go to college though.

(Academy of Arts, SF anyone?)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Hungry For More Games

So I finished The Hunger Games a few days ago. My sister bought it for me...after like a month of searching every library in a 20 mile radius, only to discover it was checked out with a long waiting list. This bode well for me because this obviously meant the book was good enough to be checked out widely. I was anticipating a consuming read. And it was...kind of.

I just wanted mooooore. I liked it, don't misunderstand. The whole concept is pretty thought-provoking and has so much potential. But I thought it only skimmed the surface of what it could have been. I was anticpating a grinding tale of desperation and a refelction on human nature and instinct versus compassion and the effects of an oppressive, violent regime over citizens in a post-apocalyptic society....and I got a watered down version :/. Call me optimistic, but I SO was thinking it would have that...and it failed my expectations.

Granted, this was probably because it was aimed at a lower-reading level (I think like early high-school or middle school is the recommended?) so only so much could be covered without losing relation to your average 14-year old.

I just wish this same idea could be published in adult literature! because I want more analysis and deep-delving character development. Oh well. Anyone recommendations of adult books with a similar premise?

Also: I'm kind of upset about how suddenly at the end of the book the front-running issue seemed to be more about the romance triangle thing instead of the looming death of the character in the contest. I feel like this happens too much in YA books with a female lead. Ugh.

I liked the book though. I just didn't adore it as much as everyone else seems to. I needed MORE. Perhaps I'm just growing out of YA novels? :(

Monday, August 31, 2009

kevn carter thesis on life

class: AP Lang & Comp
assignment: write a brief essay in which you use the above image (photograph by Kevin Carter) to form a "thesis on life"

In life, there are two archetypal characters that all sentient beings within the known world adhere to: the fighter and the forfeiter. These two motivational outlooks in life are polar opposites in essence and nature. Each being, human or otherwise, has within them the innate inclination towards these two points, which is the catalyst to their ultimate surrender or perseverance, fight or forfeit, life or death. These two paradigms are superbly shown in their fundamental form in a moving photograph by Kevin Carter. The photograph shows these two ends of the spectrum successfully with its two main elements: the baby and the bird.

Within the frames of Carter’s image, the bird represents the “fighter” archetype. In the everlasting challenge that is life, the fighter is always alert and ready for opportunity. It is defined by its motivation to succeed in all elements of survival and life. The bird in the photograph exemplifies this attitude perfectly in just its stance alone. It is rigid, awaiting the opportunity that could arise in the actions of the child in the foreground. The child could potentially be any number of benefits to the bird; prey or friend, and the bird’s obvious careful observance is what shows the fighter model within it. A fighter in life will take advantage of all its environment has to offer. And the bird is set to do this in the photography. A fighter is not one to let such benefits pass them by, and in the photographs simple instance of a bird surveying an event, this “fighter” theme is echoed in it’s basic form.

The child featured in Carter’s photograph is a perfect model of forfeit and utter defeat. This tiny, crumpled form displays the “forfeiter” spirit, or lack of spirit, rather. It’s small, beaten and starved body is showing an absolute conquered soul, one that has given up all hope of survival or motivation. In life, the pessimistic nature of the “forfeiter” causes them to find themselves beaten down by the world around them and makes them surrender all will to endure or fight as their opposites do. They lose all optimism and hope. In Carter’s photograph, the tiny child is quite obviously devoid of any hope, as his head is cast downward in the dry earth. Within the photograph, context completely unknown, it is ambiguous whether the child still lives or has lost all life within itself. But either way, it is clear that the child is nearing the end and has lost the will to continue living, as a “fighter” like the bird would.

The two models shown in Carter’s photograph, each representing differing spirits of life and motivation, exemplify the basic fundamentals of all existence. That there are two paradigms of human nature: the “fighter” and the “forfeiter”. Through the two simple figures shown in the photograph, is seen that these two archetypes are essential and elemental.


...not bad considering I spent a half hour on this at best. And my conlusion is absolute crap. But c'est la vie.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


this is basically a link/photo dump of my fascinations lately:

Dino's LIVE!

- I can go? plz?

OWLS! - possibly the most adorable thing I've seen all week.

This is f'n incredible. I wish I had the patience for this. I love the way ink looks (or is this graphite? Because I honestly can't tell) but the little details send me reeling. I like doing fast, emotional, impressionistic slashes and strokes, because that's what my unsteadyhands can handle. Which is why I give up on something like this.
but god, just LOOK AT THAT DETAILING. Fuck.

I just think this is really pretty...

Photoshop DISASTERS! -I've been addicted to this all night.

Saturday, August 1, 2009


a few of my favorite things:
  • long drives through the countryside
  • Disneyland
  • new books
  • melodic sounds
  • tiny fish
  • tights
  • humming
  • Pixar
  • purple
  • floating clouds
  • asian food
  • berets
  • masquerades
  • photobooths
  • concerts in the city
  • midnight premiers
  • doughy cookies
  • crumpled bedspreads
  • tacky knicknackes
  • butterflies
  • tweeting
  • Death Cab For Cutie
  • bananas
  • urban outfitters
  • a blank canvas
  • aquariums
  • ballet flats
  • photography
  • Harry Potter
  • fashion
  • documentaries
  • paintbrushes
  • the Sims
  • metaphors
  • the internet
  • wanted early mornings
  • scarves and ray bans
  • California
  • golden hour
  • ocean tides
  • impulsive filming
  • outer space
  • polaroids
  • swimming all day
  • sunbursts
  • bike rides
  • tanlines
  • blogs
  • nebulas
  • memes
  • vlogs
  • long talks
  • typography
  • dressing up
  • sweet little kisses
  • bonfires
  • going barefoot
  • bokeh
  • yoga
  • hugs
  • soft sunshine
  • dolphins
  • botanical gardens
  • old cathedral paintings
  • koalas
  • redwood trees
  • the smell of dryer sheets
  • 75 degrees
  • golden hills
  • museums
  • blasting electronic songs

Friday, July 31, 2009


I really like sandcastles. especially prefessionally crafted ones like this:

SO f'n incredible! I wish I had the patience for that. The other day I was at the beach, trying my hardest to replicate the Disneyland castle. I lasted fifteen minutes at most and only succeeded in recreating the moat and front side...and let me tell you, they looked very little like anything Walt Disney would have designed. Ah well, practice makes perfect right? Too bad I live an hour and half from the beach...

hmm, perhaps I should really stop with this overwhelming optimism, yeah?

ANYWAY, moving on to the regular scheduled blog-programming...of the retelling of interesting (arguably) events from my life and random anecdotes from my mind!

I just got back from a camping/roadtrip that lasted just under a week (this would be the culprit of my disgustingly behind-ness on Twitter, Tumblr, etc. I spent all last night catching up. I have a life, I swear). It was lovely. I spent basically three days emersed in the clear and cool waters of Lake Siskiyou (highly recommend it) and three more days on the chilly coast of Oregon. The trees and mist there were incredibly enchanting. I now will always think of them when listening to Cologne Cerrone Houdini by Goldfrapp and Laughing With a Mouth of Blood by St. Vincent. And as much as I am ashamed and defiant to admit it, the landscape of coastal Oregon particularily eminded me of...Twilight. (I'M SORRY OKAY. SO SPEAR ME IN THE GIZZARD BECAUSE I CAN'T LEAVE MY FRESHMAN YEAR OBSESSIONS BEHIND ME.)

Heh. ookay moving on...

I now have just under two weeks until I start my senior year in high school...and I'm less than half way done with my summer asignments...PANIC.

I so want more TIME, as completely cliche and humanly archetypic that is...and no responsiblity for a few days couldn't hurt, either. At least I have a day at the MoMA freeday in SF coming up. Should be freeing enough for me, maybe? Maybe.

so for now, I am going to continue googling ridiculous things that tickle my fickle fancy (I like that phrase. Will be filing it away in my brain) so to conclude this entry, I'm goning to take a leaf out of the awesomely talented (and beloved FiveAwesomeGirl) HayleyGHoover's blog-book by doing this:

sexy: Coraline, the film. I just watched it today and my goodness, it's a beautiful and wholly creative and haunting film. Adored every inch of it.

unsexy: The other-mother from the aforementioned film. She is so unbelievably creepy! She may make a cameo in my nightmares tonight...(okay not really but still...eeek!)

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I just had this crazy LookBook (and some My Modern Metropolis) binge...I probably saved like around twenty photos of styles I'm drooling over. But my absolute FAVORITE was this:

I'm not a huge fan of the random 90's-floral-print trend that seems to be everywhere right now, but still. I want to wearrrr it. I love the light,springy dress and pearls with the dark tights and dramatic and contrasting. LOVE IT.
I even know where to find like 80% of it from (or at least stuff that looks similar)...sigh.
I am such a seven year old, dress-up-obsessed little girl.

PS: here are some others that caught my eye:

Monday, June 22, 2009


hot hot heat, bike rides, chlorine, popsicles, sunburns, open windows, clear skies, splashes, late nights, drives, endless fields, sand between your toes, sunglasses, iced drinks, warm concrete, cut grass, sunsets, sunscreen, stretching, summer skin, santa cruz, board games, strawberries, vampire weekend, california, sleeping in, sandals, apricots, shorts, vanilla, tan lines, yoga, sun-bleached strands of hair, infinity.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

what I did today....

she sort of creeps me out when I'm sitting on my bed, and she is on the easel staring back at me...
but it is a start. First portrait I've attempted in about 6 whole months...!

already looking at her on the computer monitor, I can spot about six billion things that are wrong/different and that I am itching to fix...but I think that should have been done in the pre-coloring stage so damnit. oh well, c'est la vie.


It's kind of odd lately because it hasn't fully, recognizably felt like summer yet. Even though I've been out of school for over a week, the whole "summer stoke" hasn't hit me. I've continued my normal routine that I established, which was some internet browsing, collaging/misc art, cleaning, chilling with friends, etc. This was all stuff I could have done while in school. Maybe that's the reason summer hasn't hit me...because I haven't had one of those stereotypically "summery" outings I usually have (day trips to the beach, walking to 7-11, bonfires, etc). So I'm thinking to myself now: "gen, you need to step up to your freedom and UTILIZE it, yo."

So far, so not-so-good.
I feel like my summer is being wasted away (but not really, because I've still had my share of fuuuun) but seriously, I need MOOORE.
I wish either I had a good supply of money or plane tickets were free so I could travel somewhere....I've got the travel bug as they say on the Travel Channel...Australia sounds lovely right now, no?

I just imported some new (to me, anyway) Sigur Ros to my beloved iTunes library,
and now I'm deciding which songs go best with which of my many playlists....and then I shall perhaps listen to said playlists outside while creating something. What I'll create, I have no idea. Maybe I'll just draw. I dunno. Any suggestions?

Oh, I also (like the dork I am) uploading some art to Facebook. Why? I have no clue. But it's there, oookay? :)

Friday, June 5, 2009

Sunday, May 31, 2009



As a seventeen year old girl, being asked to define your identity is a monumental and immense task. I could stand here and try to explain who I am and what I like and don’t like and my life story. I could tell you that I’m an art geek, a music lover, an internet addict, a friend. I could tell you that I’m just a girl from California whose favorite movie is The Life Aquatic and who doesn’t like potatoes. But that wouldn’t really get me anywhere. To try to describe myself and delineate my identity is impossible, because my identity has not been established, and may never be. It is, in itself, a lack of one. It is both everything and nothing, contradicting and abundant in branches. It is undefined and multifaceted in every way. There is no set “me”, no personality or character that will remain constant until the day I die. I am forever a blank canvas…a clean slate that I can change, add to and recreate at MY own will. My palette, so to speak, is open to new colors, new mixes and new ways to create myself. And that’s the way I like it.

I don’t want to be confined by a definition or stereotype. I want to keep the ability to change my mind and rethink my beliefs. I am a young adult in a world of constant change and evolution of ideas and technology, so why not keep my mind and eyes wide open to the changes happening around me? Every day that I am alive on this planet, there is a chance for new experiences and new ideals to be discovered. I appreciate and immerse myself in the intricate culture of humanity by keeping my identity, myself, as a blank canvas.

The medium I apply to this blank canvas is the world around me. The places I see, the people I meet and everything in between. It all contributes to my identity in some way. Whether on a large scale or in the tiniest amount, the effect of the world on me is profound. I take the things I see and hear, and reshape and imitate and create the thing that becomes who I am. But each day, this “me” could be different. It doesn’t have to stay the same once it is established. And that’s the empowering part of being human, living in the times we are. You don’t simply one day discover a “you”, and then continue on in that same personage. For some people, that may be desirable. But for me, I want something more.

I want to be able to remain in a limbo state, where I am observing the world around me, taking bits from here and there and combining them onto my canvas. I borrow from the environment around me. I merge ideas, beliefs, interests and lifestyles. They fluctuate, shift and reshuffle themselves perpetually, keeping my life exciting and keeping my identity both multifaceted and open for additions and change. It is unpredictable what I may find inspiration in today versus in ten years, or even this minute versus the next. But part of what makes me who I am is this melting pot of traits. My canvas will never complete, and never should be. I will forever add and change and critique myself. And I will never, nor should I ever, be afraid to start anew with a fresh canvas.

Life is what you make of it. And so are you.

Friday, May 29, 2009


I think that if I ever joined LookBook, then all of my poses for my shots would have to look like this because for some reason I only ever look stylish this way.

C'est la vie.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

tina, eat the food

I've realized recently that I dislike foods that are commonly liked and I like foods that are commonly disliked. Not necessarily in everything I eat, but there are a few striking examples. So I made a little list, kind of. It's incomplete, but here's a "taste" (hahaha PUN)

Foods I don't like that make people look at me funny:

-potatoes. I don't know why, but they just really do nothing for me. Especially baked potatoes. It seems to me that people eat them with mounds of butter and cheese and whatever else, which totally overbears the actual potato, so why even bother with the potato in the first place? They're just so bland and icky. But I must admit that on Thanksgiving, I make myself eat a little mashed goodness, because it's tradition. Oh, and this excludes french fries and the occasional tater tot, of course

- guacamole / avacado. I try really really hard to like it. Really, I do. But it just tastes so-blehg-to me! I see people at those chips-and-dips type parties totally coveting the guacamole bowl and loading their chips with it with expressions of delight, but I can't do it. My tongue just refuses to like it.

Foods I love that make people look at me funny:

I love love love pickles, which grosses people out a lot...haha. But really, I think pickles on sandwiches or pickles plain from the jar are a lower form of heaven. Seriously, if I'm snacking and there is nothing else in the house - out comes the pickle jar.

-mushrooms! stuffed, sauteed, chopped - you name it, I looove it. And on pizza with cheese = perfection!

-kiwis whole! so this one doesn't reallyyy count because plenty of people eat kiwi, but not that many people eat kiwis WHOLE. As in, the skin and everything. But I do ;)

I am....odd. Let's just face it.

Monday, May 18, 2009


This weekend was a good one. I was busy busy busy for most of it, but in a good way. I was either gone having fun or at home sleeping or on the internet for a short period of time before leaving again. My weekend last week was similar-and I love it!
The times when I find that I have no time at all are often my favorite types of times, if that makes any sense.

What made this particular weekend so unique was that I finally am stacking up my indie concert credentials (ha-ha). It was my first bonafied "indie" concert, you could say.
The concert in question was Margot & The Nuclear So and Sos at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco. I went for the opener, Telekinesis. And it was so amazingly great. It was such a different experience than going to The Warfield to see something like Metro Station (there were no drunken girls flinging themselves at the stage to try to touch any part of the lead singer's body they could get a hold of, for instance.)

I didn't really know any songs from Margot & The Nuclear So and So's album except the Children on Acid song (that's not the exact title, but you get the point) but now I really want to listen to it over and over. They were really really really great live.

I just freaking love concerts, I've decided. Especially this new breed of live music I've been introduced to. It's made me think about all the bands I would die to see. My music taste has seriously evolved over the last few months, and seeing these bands would top off my life:

1) Sigur Ros
2) Death Cab For Cutie (seeing them in July in Berkeley!)
3) Matt & Kim (seeing them possibly in August?)
4) Tokyo Police Club
5) Andrew Bird
6) Imogen Heap
7) Jimmy Eat World
8) Coldplay
9) Silversun Pickups
10) Shiny Toy Guns (pre-new singer...if only :/)

There are probably loads more, too. I just wish I could see them allllll.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

creation + stealing = success

( click for better quality / reading ability )

I can't help but agree with that ^. In this day and age, the idea of "originality" is indeed a thing of the past. When everything has been done, the only option is to reinvent.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

satellite mind

I woke up today with a fresh perspective, even though nothing's changed dramatically.
But yesterday was one of the best days I've ever had,
and I didn't even realize it until this morning.
Definitely beats any other Cinco De Mayo I've ever experienced.
All I can do is smile.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

chimerical me

Once again, I find myself exploring, and marveling at the sheer amount of photography that's out there.
And I realize, yet again, how much I love just sitting, looking at all of it.
I can search through pages upon pages for hours and be perfectly entertained in my own little world. I feed off of things like that.
To me, visuals provoke my imagination and mind more than any other form of creation...
I can just be examining a few good shots, or any form of an artwork,
and suddenly I want to go drive somewhere and learn to capture life in the same way,
or go to my room and attempt to create something that could be as good as what I saw.

My sight is probably my most treasured sense, to be honest.
I feel inspired. In every fiber. Just seeing, and watching...
and it's wonderful.


recent favorites:

Friday, May 1, 2009


I have SATs tomorrow.
I have to arrive by 7:45 am.
I have to write an essay.
And do all the grueling bubbling in.
Did I mention I have to be there by 7:45 am?

Words cannot fully describe my feelings about this better than this simple symbol:

Friday, April 24, 2009


Let me preface this by saying that I've never been too religious. I'm just too indecisive about even the smallest things in my life to even being to be able to make a decision on such a big issue in human history. That why I prefer to remain neutral, agnostic even. I put my "faith" in the strong basis/evidence of science and it's hard for me to blindly follow The Bible, or any other form of religious "instruction", so to speak. And the same goes for any organized religion. Far too much pain and suffering throughout history has come about because of religion for me to be able to support it fully. Those things tend to stick out in your mind, you know?

But don't get me wrong--I think some aspects of religion can be great! The whole "love your neighbor" thing and all that, and having good, basic morals. That's all a great way to live your life....just reminding yourself to be a good person.

But I still have my issues when people take religion too far. Some people get so self-righteous about it, and shun all others who have a differing viewpoint on certain matters, and live in fear of change or deviation from the Bible. Sure, this may be predominantly common in the extremes of religious followers, but when someone tells me I'm going to hell because I don't go to churhc, it just really makes me glad I've been able to keep an open mind. I like being my OWN person, thank you very much.

SO, my point in all of this backstory is:
-Today I was "stumbling" (yes, it's SO addicting) and I came across this quote from a deconverted missionary:

"The Pirah├ús have shown me that there is dignity and deep satisfaction in facing life and death without the comfort of heaven or the fear of hell and in sailing toward the great abyss with a smile.”

This quote completely sums up my opinion on the matter of religion.

I think it's much more important to enjoy your life on earth in a way that makes you happy than to worry about pleasing a force unknown and uncertain.
I'm not so big a fan on worshipping something that feeds on fear & doubt, if you know what I mean.

That is all for today.

P.S Prom tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

hot hot heat

Today was so warm and summery and it felt like the last week of school, even though I still have another month and half to get through. It's so odd to think that the seniors will be GRADUATING. It still hasn't hit me. I guess I keep expecting them to come back with us juniors next year, like normal. I keep talking about my schedule next year and wondering who will be in my classes, and I've had to remind myself that half of the "usuals" are going to be off in college futhering their lives. IT'S SO FREAKING SAD. D:

If I'm this upset about the seniors (a lot of which I hardly know) I can't even begin to fathom how I'm going to react next year when the people I've known since kindergarten are going to spearate.
AHHGH. Life needs to slow down a bit. Or at least let me catch up.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

spring break is ending

Spring Break has ended.
Well, not technically, because it's Sunday...
but seeing as all I have planned today is to finish the mounds of homework I still have to do and have an Easter dinner with my family + Brendan (which will be fun, though!) I categorize today as the end. I had a great break though...I just want moooore. It seems like no matter how long a break is, I will never be satisfied...ah well, 'tis human nature.